Well it turns out that so called cold was a nasty lung infection. I’ve been on antibiotics for 10 days now. I feel better, but not quite 100% yet. My last pill is tomorrow morning and unless I feel drastically better by tomorrow morning I’m going to be going back to the Doctor because I think I might need another dose. I still have a cough with all sorts of nastiness and a slight fever. I have NO appetite and about the only good thing coming out of this nasty infection is the fact that as of today I’m down 15 pounds. Not the healthiest way to lose weight but it sure is welcomed!
I have no energy either. I want to go out and do things, see people and I can’t. I’m pretty much “house ridden”. I don’t want to infect other people with my sickness. I don’t *think* I’m contagious at this point but I never want to risk it, especially when there are so many babies & pregnant ladies in my circle of family/friends. So, Squishy remains a hermit. I haven’t seen my one nephew since Christmas. We were invited to dinner at my SIL A’s house but being as sick as I am we thought it best to decline. Baby M is turning 1 year on March. We don’t get to see him much (my SIL & BIL are crazy but that’s a long story) and I miss that cute little guy.
I haven’t seen my “other” nephew (he’s actually our Godson) since the feet weekend in January and I usually make a point of seeing him at least once a week. It’s seriously killing me. I’m so worried he’s going to forget who I am, or play shy with me. He’s learning to talk and it’s SO amazing. I can’t wait until he calls me his “Ciocia” (it’s polish for Aunt). Watching him grow this past year is amazing. He turned 1 on December 24th and he’s just been an incredible ball of energy.
Whenever I see the boys it really enforces how badly I want to start a family. Mr Squish and I have discussed it a lot since the boys were born. We knew we wanted the have a large family; it was something we talked about when we first started dating. The recent change in my job, the “promotion” as I’m calling it, has kind of thrown a curve in our plans. At this moment, we’ve decided to wait to start our family. I don’t know when we’ll start, soon, just not today. That’s what I tell myself to help me get through the hard days. “One day, just not today”. It’s a good little quote and it helps me. I know Mr Squish wants a family as badly as I do, he’s just more rational about things then I am. That’s why we work as well as we do :)
My younger sister is now 22 weeks pregnant. It’s a tough subject for me to deal with and I struggle every day with it. She’s young, immature, and irresponsible. It was unplanned and really doesn’t seem worried that she can barely take care of herself, let alone a child. I truly don’t think she has any idea what she’s in for and it really upsets me; but as one of my best friends said to me “It’s her cross to bear, not yours” and it’s true. Whether I agree with the situation or not, what’s done is done and because she is my sister I will offer her nothing but support, as I have been doing for the last 22 years of her life.
I went to see a psychic when I first found out she was pregnant. I was hurting, bad and wanted some guidance. My best friend’s Aunt is psychic and I’ve known her for years. I trust her. She told me (amongst many other things) that my sister will come to me for help/guidance/support once the baby arrives. She’s going to finally realize that I’m there for her no matter what and trust me. She’ll be with me a lot and I will be very close to my nephew, almost a 2nd mother to him for his entire life. This meant a lot to me because my sister and I aren’t close and we never have been and that’s something that’s always bothered me. I’ve always tried to build our relationship, but she’s closed off. I truly hope my friends Aunt was right because it would literally mean the world to me to be closer to my sister and her baby.
I admit, I have good days when I realize we need to build our nest egg before we bring a little one into our family, but other days I think we have a good life and everything would be fine and it’s on those days that I get pretty down and sad.
So…for now I live through my friends/family and their little ones and I will be the most incredible “Aunt”.
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